What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
How does a bee get to school?
She takes a school buzz
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
What’s a llama’s favorite song?
Llama Chameleon.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers!
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
Turtles keep on winning battles because they are perfect at shelling their enemies.
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
Hunting elephants is illegal as ivory well know.
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
What does a kangaroo do when it gets Covid? Goes to the hop-spittle.
What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
The flock of crows that were sprayed with sewage was a true definition of murder most foul.
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
Why did the parrot cross the road? Just beak-ause!
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
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