Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
How do you apologize to a koala?
Bear your heart and soul to them.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
Whatever floats your goat.
Would you mind watching my pet parrot while I’m out, as long as it’s not too much of a birden?
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
What did the irritated crow said to his fried?
I won't talk to you if you don’t stop ravening.
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Why was the penguin popular?
Because he was an ice guy.
Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
What do you call a frog spy?
A croak and dagger agent.
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
Why are frogs so happy?
Because they eat whatever bugs them.
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
Why was the beaver not arrested when he jumped into the Nile? Because he was a juve'nile.
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
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