TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
What do you call a small, two winged insect resembling a mosquito that likes to keep the peace?
A diplognat!
Where do horses get their weaves from?
Mane.
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Because he was playing with a cheetah.
How does an otter get into an honest business? Usually through the skylight.
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
What do you call for injured ants?
The ant-bulance.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
I felt so guilty after I stepped on a snail this morning. You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
Q. Where did the gorilla like to go sailing?
A. The Chimpan-Sea
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology.
It really bugs me that it isn't.
When a dinosaur gets a goal in a soccer tournament, it is known as a dino-score.
What do teenage deer do at slumber parties?
Truth or deer.
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
What do you call an Arab next to a cow?
Milk Sheikh.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
What has 4 wheels and flies?
Garbage truck
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
What do you get when you cross a bat with a doorbell?
A ding-bat.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
What do you call an explosive horse?
Neigh-palm.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
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