I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
What do you call a three-eyed tiger?
A tiiiger.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
What kind of cheese do rodents like?
Mousearella.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
When a dinosaur gets a goal in a soccer tournament, it is known as a dino-score.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
I told the other alligator to stay outside, he cai-man anyway.
What's yellow and black and yellow and black and yellow and black?
A wasp rolling down a hill.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
What do dinosaurs have that no other animals have? Baby Dinosaurs.
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
What do bees chew?
Bubmble gum.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
Hen-durance.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
Have you noticed that most wolf parties begin at around midnight? Well, it is not by coincidence, it is so that they can have a howling good time.
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Who’s a llama’s favorite pop singer?
Llama Del Ray.
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
Why did the monkey like the banana?
Because it had appeal.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
If there's a bee in my hand, then what's in my eye?
Beauty.
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
What did the worm say to his friend when he got stuck in pumpkin?
Worm your way out of that one!
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
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