Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
Q. Which square dancing step do stags enjoy most?
A. The Doe-si-Does.
What is a deer’s favorite place to get breakfast?
Dunkin’ Doe-nuts!
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
Thought I saw a zebra in a field near my house recently, turned out to be a horse in his pyjamas.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
Q. Where do Midwest does prefer to give birth?
A. Deerborn, Michigan.
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderella-phant.
What do you call an imaginary pig? A pig-ment of your imagination.
Q. How do you describe a deer joke with a screwed up punch line?
A. Bucked up.
What medicine do you give to sick ants?
Antibiotics.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
Emo bunnies just do not carrot all.
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
What's the difference between and Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your face in a Buffalo.
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An ant-ique.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
Why don't crabs give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Import-ant.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
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