A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!
Q: Why did the tiger eat the lamp?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
Whatever floats your goat.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice-bergers!
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What Do You Call Two Ducks And A Cow?
Quakers and milk.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.
Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
Why is earth worm humor offensive?
They only know dirty jokes.
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
Hannibal crossed the Alps because it was safer than crossing the elephants.
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? Try Sara's Tops
I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch. But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
A rare black tiger is spotted in India
Everywhere else it has stripes.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
As soon as one beaver jumped in the river to search for his key, it got shocked, as the current was too strong.
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
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