What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
What do your call a dinosaur with one eye? Eye-saur.
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
Crowing, crowing, gone.
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
Do you know why the beaver was found guilty?
Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
Q. Which deer prison is escape proof?
A. Elk-atraz.
What do you name a synthetic parrot?
PollyEster
Crows go, listen, perform, and enjoy live music, at cawnsorts.
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
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