Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
What do mosquitoes and relatives have in common?
They both share your blood.
When a dinosaur gets a goal in a soccer tournament, it is known as a dino-score.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth!
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
Why can't college professors take exams at a zoo? Because there are too many cheetahs.
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
What do you call a blind dinosaur? adoyouthinkhesaurus.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?
A strait pride parade.
Did you hear about the scared kangaroo?
Yeah, he was a bit jumpy.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
What’s a rabbit’s favorite game? Hopscotch!
What do you call a bat with ebola? African batman.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
I have the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
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