Q. Where do Midwest does prefer to give birth?
A. Deerborn, Michigan.
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?"
"Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
What does a magician penguin say?
“Pick a cod, any cod…”
What do you call a goat who paints pictures?
Vincent Van Goat.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!
I used to own a raven. It could speak English, but the only word it could speak was "car".
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
If a crocodile never admits he is wrong, he must be in de-nile..
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo? Bronco-saurus or a Tyrannasourus Tex
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
Why don’t elephants use computers?
Because they’re afraid of the mouse.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Why is earth worm humor offensive?
They only know dirty jokes.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
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