What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
My wife asked why I prefer gummy bears to gummy worms.
I said that gummy worms are beneath me.
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
What's more impressive than a talking fish?
A spelling bee.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
What do you call an ant that moves to another country?
An emigr-ant.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
I used to own a raven. It could speak English, but the only word it could speak was "car".
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
Where do deer get all of their coffee?
Star-bucks!
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
Why could not the young vampire bat play baseball?
He was a bat boy.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A Bronto-snorus.
Why did the dinosaur paint her toenails red? So she could hide in the strawberry patch!
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
Baaaa dumb hisssssss.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
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