Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
Why is it a bad idea to give a cow marijuana?
The steaks are too high.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
Why was the koala scientist so well-respected by his peers? He was known for conducting excellent koalatative research.
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I’ve ever seen.
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
What do you call a turkey's evil twin?
A Gobblegänger.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
What do mountain climbers share around the campfire?
Goat Stories!
When milking a nervous goat, you should use kid gloves.
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
What does a Triceratops sit on? Its Tricera-bottom.
What’s a llama’s favorite drink?
Llamanade.
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
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