Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
Did you hear about the panda that had a slight stutter?
Seems it’s a story that bears repeating.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
What Do You Call A Duck That Steals?
A robber ducky.
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
My wife: Did you know a single dolphin can have more than 200 offspring?
Me: Wow How about the married ones?
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
What goes eek, eek, bang?
A mouse in a minefield!
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
What do you call a penguin in the desert?
Lost!
What did the maggot say to another?
What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this?
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
What did the ponies do when it was raining? Stay ind-horse.
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
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