Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
What did the fawn say to warn her friend about the haunted house?
“Don’t go deer!”
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
What's green and hangs from trees? Dinosaur snot.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
...so I bought a seal iron
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
What do you call a crazy chicken?
A cuckoo cluck.
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
What weighs 800 pounds and sticks to the roof of your mouth ? A peanut butter and Stegosaurus sandwich!
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
What kind of cheese do rodents like?
Mousearella.
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