What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Some pink birds can be really rude. I approached a group of them the other day and they screamed “Flamingo away!”
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring? Because he heard it was 18 carrots.
Why don’t kangaroos make good sailors?
Because they’re always jumping ship.
Q. Why was the gorilla's jungle party so lame?
A. Because theyran out of chimps and dip.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
What will you get if you cross an ice bear and a running tiger? Frostbite.
What does a kangaroo do when it gets Covid? Goes to the hop-spittle.
What do you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine?
A slow poke.
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position!
Do you think you know more parrot jokes than me? Toucan play that game!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
What kind of hair style does a bee get?
A buzz cut
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
What do you call a quiet sheep?
A shhhhhhh-eep.
The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
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