Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
Which city do hamsters live in?
Hamsterdam.
What planet does a seal live on?
EARFFF EARFFF EARFFFF.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
Why do zebras have stripes?
Because they don't want to be spotted.
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large chested crab?
One’s a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, “You know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”
He said, “I hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
What do you call a rabbit housekeeper? A dust bunny.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
How do you make a duck sing soul music?
Put him in the microwave until his Bill Withers
My lobster's name is:
Claude
What do you call a bunny who was raised in a hotel? An inn-grown hare.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
Every koala supports the idea of being able to defend themselves against tyranny. They believe in having the right to bear claws.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
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