The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter. A little (h)otter
Did you hear about the aquarium owner?
His shark was worse than his pike.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
Sometimes we eat a crow while other times we eat Croatia.
What do you call a thirsty bee?
Beehydrated
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?
A flamingstop.
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat.
One got pissed.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fillet.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
Why do seals swim in salt water ?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups.
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.