What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.