I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
Did you hear the gossip about the owl who hooked up with his boss?
I won’t tell you hoo.
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
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