What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
Did you hear the gossip about the owl who hooked up with his boss?
I won’t tell you hoo.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
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