What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
Why are horses so good at the shooting range?
They’re hunters.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
Why was the horse feeling a bit sick?
Its voice was a bit hoarse.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.
What did the horse reply when asked if it would try water polo?
“I would dapple.”
What did the horse say when it saw a sheepdog?
“Why is your furlong?”
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
What kind of bread does a racehorse eat?
Thoroughbred.
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
How do you wash a horse?
On a sponge-line.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand in a horse's mouth?
A mechanic.
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