What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
What did the pony say to the Jedi Knight before she left on her adventure?
“May the horse be with you.”
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
How does a horse tow its trailer?
With a Ford Bronco.
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
What is the lesser-known sport used to measure a horse’s singing ability?
Carol racing.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.