How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
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