There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
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