How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
How do clams call their friends?
Clams call their friends on their shell phones!
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
I went fly-fishing yesterday.
All I caught was two bluebottles.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
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