What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
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