What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
Which day do fish hate the most?
Fry-day.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
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