Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
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