What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
That alligator took great photos, he was a bit of a snapper.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
Why doesn’t Sweden export its cattle?
It wants to keep its Stockholm.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
Why did the panda’s joke suck?
It was unbearable.
What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
Who brings presents for crows on Christmas? On Christmas? Santa Caws
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
Q. What did they serve with nacho cheese at stag parties?
A. Deer-itos.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
Q. How do you start a letter written to Sears Roebuck?
A. Deer Sirs..
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
Where do crows go to get educated?
CAWlege
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
I know this bird who was excluded from his flock for being too big
He was ostrich-sized.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
Why did the Koala cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant.
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