My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
A flamingo can be a really good friend to have. However, they generally fit the bill really well.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
When do vampires like horse racing?
When it's neck and neck.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
How do you measure the circumference of a Sheep?
Shepherds Pie
I threw water on a flamingo the other day
Now it's just an O.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
How Do Ducks Talk?
They don't, you quack.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
What do you call a bat who gets a charge out of life?
A battery.
What do you call for injured ants?
The ant-bulance.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
Which city do hamsters live in?
Hamsterdam.
What’s small, furry and slightly purple? A koala holding its breath!
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
What do you call an ant who can’t speak?
A mute ant.
Why do gorillas have really big fingers?
Because they have really big nostrils!
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect.
What is the first thing that bats learn at school? The alphabat.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
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