What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
I was at the beach today when I saw a man in the sea yelling “Help, shark! Help!”
I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
What do you call a well-dressed ant?
Eleg-ant.
Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
What was the horse’s best ballroom dance? The Foxtrot.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
Why did the frog make so many mistakes?
It jumped to the wrong conclusions.
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?
Let me warn you, it’s a long one.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
I just learned how to speak parrot.
I just learned how to speak parrot.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
What do you call a room full of crows? Crowded.
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
These ideas are too shellow, they won’t be of any help.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I’ve ever seen.
What kind of turkey grows on a tree? Poultry.
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