What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Why can't college professors take exams at a zoo? Because there are too many cheetahs.
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
What’s a horse’s favorite dinosaur?
The broncosaurus.
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
Why do spider-musicians always have such long concert tours?
Because they have so many legs.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.
If you need to share out your to-do list, just be a dele-gator.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
The local zoo just started a recycling collection program to support its mission: 'When you bring in one can, you can save Toucans.'
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What did the kangaroo say about the man who kidnapped her joey?
Stop that pick-pocket!
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
What do you call a gorilla with a million dollars?
A gorillanaire
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
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