What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
Did you hear about the extremely serious gorilla?
He didn't monkey around.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
My wife asked why I prefer gummy bears to gummy worms.
I said that gummy worms are beneath me.
Don't worry, bee happy!
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
How does a shark greet a fish?
Pleased to eat you.
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? Eggs mark the spot.
What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
Q. Why was the blonde disappointed after her visit to an apiary?
A. There weren't any gorillas there. DUH!
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
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