Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
What’s a shark’s favorite science fiction TV show?
Shark Trek.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
What do you call a group of crows flying over a couple?
A murder over love.
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
Why do worms hate graveyards?
They keep bumping into skeletons!
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
A beaver told a joke about a waterfall. It was a pour joke.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
How can you tell if a crab is drunk?
It walks straight
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
Q: What time is it when a tiger walks into the room?
A: Time to get out of the room.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
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