My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
Why was the scarecrow upset with the worm?
It was going ear to ear in the corn field!
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
What is the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut?
“A beer nut is often more than a buck but a deer nut is always under a buck.”
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you call an ant with big hair?
Bouff-ant.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
Q. Who walks around the suburbs trying to sell venison meat?
A. A deer-to-door salesmant.
When doing laundry, the mother wolf accidentally fell into the washing machine. It became a wash and wearwolf.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
What did the nervous crow do? The crow proceeded with caw-tion.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?
hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Don't worry, bee happy!
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
I bought a bunny because everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
How does Toucan Sam wear a belt?
He puts it through his loops
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
After his teeth were cleaned, the werewolf ate the dentist.
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
What’s black and white, has four legs and a trunk?
Two pandas on holiday.
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?
Because its head is so far from its body.
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
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