What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
"Do not consume if seal is broken."
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
How do you apologize to a sloth? BEAR your heart and soul.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
What animal has more lives than a cat? A frog … because he croaks every night!
What do you can a kangaroo covered in tape?
Hopscotch
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
Q: What time is it when a tiger walks into the room?
A: Time to get out of the room.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
The tiger came went to the salon. Now, other animals of the jungle call him 'Shaved Khan.'
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
What is white and has long ears, whiskers, and sixteen wheels? Two rabbits on Rollerblades!
Emo bunnies just do not carrot all.
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."
What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling at Christmas?
Mistletoad.
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
Why did the deer get braces?
He had buck teeth.
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
What is the popular computer game that crows play? Caw of Duty!
What do bees chew?
Bubmble gum.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
How do you make a dinosaur float? Put a scoop of ice cream in a glass of root beer, and add one dinosaur.
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
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