Did you hear the gossip about the owl who hooked up with his boss?
I won’t tell you hoo.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
Why is it a bad idea to get in a fight with a monkey?
Because they use gorilla warfare.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
What do you call it when a pig loses its memory? Hamnesia.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Q: Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?
A: It was to dam early.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
What are unsolved murders called when it happens in a society of crows? Murder mysteries.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
I hate getting into arguments with farmers about the best methods for keeping crows away.
They always resort to straw man arguments.
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
Q: What’s a tiger’s favorite color?
A: Roar-range.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What do you call a monkey with a banana in each ear?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot? Sir.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears? Anything you like, he won't hear you!
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