How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
Why don't squirrels wear skinny jeans?
Because their nuts won't fit.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
Why are crows so interesting?
Just beCAWse
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...
The poor werewolf was busy chasing his own tail. We were later told that he was trying to make ends meet.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
What happens when you play tug-of-war with a pug?
Pulled pork!
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.
Whichever gator stole all the food, we'll catch the crook-a-dile.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? "If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!"
What would a crow wear to the Halloween party? A crown!
What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.
What do crows drink in order to stay awake? They drink cawfee.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Eleph-ino! (Sounds like "Hell if I know!")
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
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