Where do bats get their education?
In night schools.
What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
How is cat food sold? Usually, purr can!
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
What did the sea say to the penguin?
Nothing, it just waved.
What’s the sequel to that?
Fuller mouse!
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies!
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
Because then the kids have to play indoors.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?It’s been nice gnawing you.
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
What do you call a quiet sheep?
A shhhhhhh-eep.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
What do deer doctors specialise in? Hart surgery!
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
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