Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!
Mechanic said it could be car rot.
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
What do you say if you meet a toad?
Wart's new?
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw!
What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A Model T-Rex.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a bell?
An alarm cluck.
What bee is most indecisive?
A May bee!
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Because he was playing with a cheetah.
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
What sport do wasps love?
Sting-pong.
I don't agree with battery hens.
Surely they'd lay bigger eggs if they were plugged into the mains.
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What does an evil penguin lay?
Deviled eggs.
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