Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay? Anywhere he wants to.
I went to the Chinese buffet on crab leg night and ate my fill, but they kicked me out.
They said I was being too shellfish.
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
What's more impressive than a talking fish?
A spelling bee.
What’s the difference between a greyhound station and a lobster with a boob job?
One’s a crusty bus-station, the other’s a busty crustacean.
The mossbacks could not connect with the new developments, so the bill was hot
down at the senate.
My grandfather had the heart of a tiger
And a lifetime ban at the zoo
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
What do you call a parrot that won’t eat?
A Polly-no-meal.
A rare black tiger is spotted in India
Everywhere else it has stripes.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
What happened when Turbo lost his shell? He began to feel sluggish.
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
What do you call a SWAT team of alligators?
Gator-raid.
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
What’s the difference between a worm and pumpkin?
Have you ever tried worm pie?
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
What do you call it when a raven marries a crow? A conspiracy to commit to murder.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
What do drunk kangaroos play?
Hopscotch.
Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
I bought my rabbit a fancy new hutch. But he doesn’t seem to carrot all.
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What did the married deer couple say to each other? I love you deer-ly!
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
I can’t believe that during the attempted murder, John Crow, Russel Crow and Sheryl Crow were all in the room.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
What do you call a koala with no teeth? A gummy bear.
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
What happens when fish start an addiction to worms?
They get hooked.
What’s the scariest koala movie ever made? The Bear Witch Project.
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