Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
I have the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
How did the hammerhead do on his test?
He nailed it.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
What kind of deer make great weather forecasters?
Rain-deer.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
Q. Which kind of deer has a serious drinking problem?
A. The elk-oholic.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
What did the duck say when the waitress came?
Put it on my bill.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
What do you called a crow that cant find his way?
A lost caws
How do camels blend in?
With camel-flage
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
Once I told a joke about mosquitos...
It was malarious.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
A goat came out of nowhere and headbutted me
It was a ram-done act of violence
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
How do gorillas get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
What did the teenage horse say when her phone broke?
I canter even.
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