What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
Where is a flamingo’s favourite place to dance? The hop, of course!
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
What is small, has a long tail and works with the police?
A gerbil shepherd dog!
Overheard on a bus... What do you call a social hermit crab?
Just a crab.
Why did the worm cross the playground?
To get to the underground slide!
What does a snail wear to go dancing?? Escargogo boots.
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
An Alley-gator.
What is a mouse’s favorite game?
Hide and squeak!
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
Why didn't the frog park on the side of the road?
He was afraid of getting toad.
Do you think you know more parrot jokes than me? Toucan play that game!
What does a bankrupt frog say?
Baroke, baroke, baroke.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite holiday?
A. Ape-ril Fools Day!
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
I want to start a deer breeding business…
But first, I’m gonna need about 5,000 bucks.
Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
What are pigs celebrating when they celebrate their birthday? The day they were boar-n.
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
What do you call a guy who believes in ethical treatment of spiders?
Peta Parker.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
How do you let a deer know you like her?
You fawn over her.
The weather's getting colder, I really fancy some hot croc-o-late.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
What do turtles do when one of them has a birthday?
They have a shell-ebration.
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
Who is the worm's Prime Minister? Maggot Thatcher.
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
What makes a glow worm glow?
A light meal!
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