I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
Where do squirrels go when they have a nervous breakdown?
To the nut-house.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
What do your call a dinosaur with one eye? Eye-saur.
Why did the horse climb Everest?
She liked mount-ains.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
My friend uses a white crow to protect his farm from other crows
He calls it a rarecrow
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
Q: How does a tiger move a boat?
A: He uses roars.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
My fat parrot escaped from its cage... To be honest, it's a weight off my shoulders!
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a four-leaf clover?
The Cluck o’the Irish!
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
A crookadile.
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
What did the baby mouse do when she saw a bat?
She ran home and told her mother she saw an angel
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
What do you drive in a river? An otter-mobile.
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
There was a flamingo in our garden for such a long time, we started calling it a flaminstay.
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
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