Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
Why was the crocodile invited to glamorous parties?
Because she was a snappy dresser.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
Goat milk?
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
Why did the otter cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which? Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs.
What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
A croaker spaniel.
What do you get if you cross a wasp with a doorbell?
A hum-dinger!
What do you call a militia of pigeons?
A coo.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
What do you call a rainbow you ride your horse on?
A rein-bow.
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
What is a beaver's most favorite drama series ever? Riverdale.
How does Toucan Sam wear a belt?
He puts it through his loops
What are crisp, like milk and go 'eek, eek, eek' when you eat them? Mice Krispies!
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
Why don’t most restaurants serve giraffe?
Because it’s a tall order.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
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