What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What would a winged horse play in a band?
The pegabass guitar.
What’s a glow worms favourite song?
Wake me up before you glow glow!
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
What do you call a dinosaur with a foul mouth? Bronto-swore-us.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
What kind of music do goats listen to?
Baaa-ch!
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
Gaiters.
Why don't squirrels wear skinny jeans?
Because their nuts won't fit.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
How do rabbits travel? By hareplane.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What sport do wasps love?
Sting-pong.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
Why isn't the the koala a real bear? He doesn't have the right koalifications.
Why don’t alligators watch movies?
Because they live in swamps.
What goes eek, eek, bang?
A mouse in a minefield!
What's green and hangs from trees? Dinosaur snot.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves? Mickey Moose!
When you cross a wolf and a monkey, you end up with a howler monkey.
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
Why was the crab embarrassed?
Because the sea weed.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
Go to BabaMail
