According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
I can’t believe that during the attempted murder, John Crow, Russel Crow and Sheryl Crow were all in the room.
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
What’s black and white and yellow?
A cowardly panda.
Turtles keep on winning battles because they are perfect at shelling their enemies.
Q. Why did the girl-illa win the beauty contest?
A. She was beast of show!
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
What do alligators and Windows have in common?
Neither of them has enough bytes!
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
When should you stop for a glow worm? When he has a red light.
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
Did you hear about the 2 apes that kept fighting with each other?
It was gorilla warfare.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
Where do penguins go to the movies?
At the dive-in!
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
Why do cats have minty breath? Because they use mousewash
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
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