When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
Two goats are married, living on a farm. Billy Goat says, "I really want children. Let's make some babies."
Betty Goat responds, "Heck no. No baby goats for me..."
"I'm not kidding."
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
The next door beaver couple got arrested for illegal streaming.
Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
What do you call an ant who joins the army?
Milit-ant.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
The lobster is one shell of an animal.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
What kind of money does deer use?
“Bucks!”
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
What do a mommy bee and a daddy bee make when they have alone time?
A babe-bee.
What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a cow?
A kanga-moo.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What kind of diet did the deer go on when she was trying to lose weight?
A non-deery diet.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
What did the dinosaur ask his pet dog when he wanted afternoon tea with him?
Do you want some tea, Rex?
What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
Where do gorillas go to after work?
The monkey bars.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
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