What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.