What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
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