What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What’s long, green and goes hith?
A snake with a lisp.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
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