My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
Did you hear the gossip about the owl who hooked up with his boss?
I won’t tell you hoo.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
An owl had a sore throat but wasn't bothered.
He couldn't give a hoot.
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
What does an owl with an attitude have?
A scowl.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
What happens if an owl doesn't wash?
It smells fowl.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
I was talking to a barn owl last night, when I mentioned that I'd just got engaged.
He said, "You twit! To who?"
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
My dyslexia has reached a new owl.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
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