What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
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