What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
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