What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”