The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut