Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
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