Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What is a squirrel’s favorite drink? A Peanut-Kola-da.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
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