The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
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