Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
Have you heard of the new squirrel diet?
“It’s just nuts.”
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
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