I've just got my hand stuck in a jar of gherkins and I can't get it out.
I'm in a right pickle!
On what radio station would you hear Bob Dill-on?
Vlasic rock.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
Why shouldn't you shoot pool using a pickle?
Because you'll find the cue cumbersome.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
If Santa made love to a pickle, what would they call their baby?
Claussen.
Who's a pickle's favorite artist?
Salvador Dilli.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
What's green and swims in the sea?
Moby Pickle.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
What do you call a pickle from the southern backwoods.
A hill-dilly.
What's green and sour and swims in an aquarium?
A tro-pickle fish.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
What do you call a pickle doctor?
A dill pusher.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
What's a pickle's life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
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