Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
What do you call a nut who works hard? One who burns the mid-nut oil.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
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