My doctor said I need to change my diet. He said I should eat more more caviar and drink more champagne. So, I said, "That's insane! What kind of a diet is that?" He replied, "It's called a High Fluten Diet."
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
"Rosé all day."
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
"Sip happens."
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
"I need to re-wine my life."
"Back that glass up."
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
"It's wine o'clock."
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
Gluten-free, dairy-free, fat-free – I love this new Champagne Diet!
"Time to wine down."
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
Some people like beer goggles. I prefer wine glasses.
"Cabernet. More like, caber-yay!"
"I make pour decisions."
"I mead more wine."
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
"Great minds drink alike."
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
"Oh, sweet child of wine."
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
"Is that a yay or cabernet?"
The problem with collecting wine is that you always end up getting screwed.
"Let's get fizzical. Pass the prosecco."
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
"You're the wine that I want."
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
"No wine left behind."
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
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