"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
I love you from my head tomato
Keep calm and carrot on.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
I yam what I yam.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
I hope for world peas.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
This foundation is rock salad.
Everybody romaine calm.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
I need to take this picture for my instayam
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