Time to celery-brate.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What a spud muffin.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Keep calm and carrot on.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
I hope for world peas.
I think therefore I yam.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
I love you from my head tomato
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
I yam what I yam.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
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