This foundation is rock salad.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
I love you from my head tomato
I yam what I yam.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
Time to celery-brate.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
I hope for world peas.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Everybody romaine calm.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What a spud muffin.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.