Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
I yam what I yam.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
I hope for world peas.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
Keep calm and carrot on.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Time to celery-brate.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Everybody romaine calm.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
This foundation is rock salad.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
I love you from my head tomato
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
I think therefore I yam.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
What a spud muffin.
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