What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
I love you from my head tomato
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
I think therefore I yam.
I hope for world peas.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
Time to celery-brate.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
I need to take this picture for my instayam
What a spud muffin.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
Everybody romaine calm.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
Keep calm and carrot on.
This foundation is rock salad.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
I yam what I yam.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
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