What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
This foundation is rock salad.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
I hope for world peas.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Everybody romaine calm.
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
I yam what I yam.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
What a spud muffin.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
Time to celery-brate.
I think therefore I yam.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.