Did you hear the one about the apathetic vegetable?
It didn't carrot all.
My wife asked if I'd be available to drain some vegetables next week.
I said I'd check my colander.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?
A romaine Catholic priest.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What a spud muffin.
Time to celery-brate.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
I've just been to court accused of sniffing the skins of vegetables and fruits.
I got off on a peel.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What is a vegetable's favourite part of the song?
When the beet drops!
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
I need to take this picture for my instayam
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Bad vegetable puns are dreadful.
It’s a truly rotten experience.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
You used to call me on my cell-ery phone.
I think therefore I yam.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
I yam what I yam.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
Did you hear about that show that tests the listening skills of vegetables?
Its tests the ears of its corn-testants.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
I love you from my head tomato
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
This foundation is rock salad.
Everybody romaine calm.
My brother turned into a vegetable.
I guess now he has fryngers and potatoes.
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