What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
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