Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
It's my first day on the fishing boat and everyone keeps asking if I've found my sea legs.
I'm not falling for it though. I know for a fact that seals don't lay eggs.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Where do eggs go on holiday?
New Yolk.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
How do comedians like their eggs?
Funny side up.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
My dad always used to tell me, "Never put all your eggs in one basket."
Which is probably why we lost the Easter egg hunt.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
What day to eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
What crime is an egg most afraid of?
Poaching.
What do you get if a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,
It is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
What's an egg's favorite movie?
Over Easy Rider.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
If you can't beat them...
Just have your eggs fried.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
I never count my chickens before they're hatched.
Because they're eggs.
Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
Eggs are going up again.
That'll surprise a few chickens.
How does a hen leave its house?
Through the eggs-it.
How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it?
By dropping it seven feet. It won’t break for the first six.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
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