Ketchup Puns

You haven't ready this section yet? You better ketchup!

Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
Before I ducked out to the shops, my wife asked me to put ketchup on the shipping list.
Now I can't read it.
I tried to make my own condiments but, the recipes change so fast, it's hard to ketchup.
Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
Why was the ketchup feeling bad?
Because it had the squirts.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
Three tomatoes are walkin' down the street.
Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato.
Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry.
Goes back and squishes him and says: "Ketchup."
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