Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
Did you hear about the butcher who got into danger? His life was at steak!
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
They were building a meat tower next door.
The steaks just kept getting higher.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
What became of the pig who got fired from his job? He became canned ham.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
What cut of meat do you get from an extremely tired butcher?
A filet mid-yawn
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
Two hot dogs were having a race. One overtook the other, who called out “I see you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup with me!”
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
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