Vegans really have a beef with meat.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
What do you call a sausage that's been to the doctor? Cured meat!
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
What's the name of the meatiest Knight of the Round Table? Sir Loin!
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
Why didn't the butcher cross the road? He didn't want to brisket!
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
What is a butcher’s favorite Elvis Presley song? Love Meat Tenders.
I tried to change my email password to “beef stew” the other day. It was refused because it was not stroganoff.
What do you call a group of butchers coming together? A meating.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
What’s the best pick up line for someone you meet in a steak restaurant? “Nice to meat you”, of course.”
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What do you call seasoned and dried robot meat?
Beep chirpy
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
The butcher’s life was at steak when the meat market caught fire.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
Make no bones about it, home made stock is a really good base for soups.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
It’s not often that you find an eye anywhere but on the face. Cows, however, have a rib eye.”
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
Which is a meat patty's least favourite day of the week? Fry-day!
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
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