Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
While cutting the onions, my eyes were leek-ing tears
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
What is the smallest onion known as? It is known as an electronion.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
The Bee Gees were such fans of onions that they even dedicated a song to it. They named it 'Chives Talking'.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What is the name of the horse that a knight onion rides? They ride a scallion.
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.