Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
What was the event of the onion family getting back together called as? A family reonion.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
On which website will you learn about the hidden gossips and secrets of the onion world? On the website Wiki-Leeks.
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
Which venue did all the vegetables choose to open their fighting club in? An onion ring!
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
I recently bought my grandson a vegetable-themed pogo stick exclusively made from spring onions.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
How should you bury an onion?
... in a shallot grave!
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives