One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
What is the greeting that Korean onions tell each other when they meet in the streets? They say 'Onion-Haseyo'.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
How will the other onions remember the onion that died? It will be forever minced!
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
As two onions were crossing the road, one of them was run over by a car. Upon being rushed to the hospital, the doctor informed the other onion, "I have some news that is going to make you cry!"
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Have you seen that film about the onion that turns into a spider?
It's called Shallot's Web
Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?
I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What does an onion say when you are upset because of it one day? It says, "I am sorry that I made you cry!"
What do you say to a small onion that has helped you?
Thanks shallot.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
How do you know the French Onion is Canadian?
Because the oignon est!
My wife’s an abysmal cook.
She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes…
She made a right hash of it.
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
What do you call an edible ion?
An onion
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
What do you call an onion that keeps on jumping up and down? You call it a spring onion!
What happens when an onion burps at the most awkward time? It releases tear gas.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
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