What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
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