Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
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