Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
What would you call a dairy product that is horrible? “Udder bullshit.”
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What do you call a cow that only produces almond milk? One that went nuts.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.