I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
What do dairy products say when they make a basketball shot? Colby!
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
I'm not saying you're old, but if you were milk I'd sniff you first.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Where did the milk write everything about her life? In her dairy.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
Why did no one drink the youngest milk? Its parents spoiled it.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
My cows are super confusing. I can’t milk heads or tails of them.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
Dad: Did you hear about the cow that was arrested?
Kids: No.
Dad: He was uddermining the authorities.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.