I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
Some people prefer milk after it has churned. I guess they find it butter that way.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
Why did the crazy man lose his job at the dairy factory? He was a danger to himself and udders.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
How do you know if milk is expired? The smell is dairy bad!
I thought I'd have some evaporated milk on my pudding. But when I opened it, it was empty.
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid in existence? It’s pasteurized before you ever notice.
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Where do astronauts buy their milk? From the milky way!!!
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
Why did the police arrest the milk after it was poured into a bowl of Fruit Loops? They witnessed him drown them. They knew he must be a cereal killer!
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
What do you call yogurt that is terrified of other dairy products? A cow-ard!
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
Why do milking stools only have three legs? The cows keep the udder safe.
I went into the library and asked for pint of milk. The librarian said 'this is a library'. So i whispered 'I'd like a pint of milk please'.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What do you call a cow that doesn’t produce any milk? A milk dud!
Dad: How does a farmer keep his cows in line?
Kids: How?
Dad: He keeps them a-cow-ntable!
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Basketball players always drop cookies into their milk.
That way, it's a slam dunk.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
What do you call fraudulent milk? Cow-nterfeit.
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