What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
I used to work at a nut farm
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To get to the peanut.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”