My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
Q: Why wouldn’t the teacher bring the class to the green pea farm?
A: It was in a seedy part of town.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
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