Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
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