I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
There was an announcement on the news the other day, we've finally achieved world peas.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
Q: Why did the pea sell his car?
A: The back seat didn’t have enough legume.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
"I'll be right back, I need to go for a pea," said the fruit during the interval.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Did you know that humans started out as peas? That's why we're called homosa-pea-ns.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
"Can I get some peas and quiet?!" shouted the pea dad angrily.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Q: What made the green pea turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.