My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
Q: Did you hear about the pea that changed careers?
A: He went into a different field!
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Q: What do you call an angry pea?
A: Grum-pea!
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
What do you call chick peas in a cavern?
Humus Sapiens
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
To catch a polar bear you surround a hole in the ice with peas
Then, when he goes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
We're like three peas in a pod, but lately I feel left out. It's making me quite unhap-pea.
My wife won't let me become a bean farmer. Why won't she just let me work in peas!
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
I stopped eating pea soup. I gave it up for lentil.
I made a pie with a can of peas in. Pea-can pie. It didn't taste how I imagined.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
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