Welcome to the Pear Puns, before this all goes pear shaped, why don't you pre-pear to laugh?

Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.

Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.

Child: Yea...

Dad: Then why is there only one?
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

“Preparing.”
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.