Welcome to the Pear Puns, before this all goes pear shaped, why don't you pre-pear to laugh?

A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
What do you call a pear who plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree.
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear."
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

“Preparing.”
What do you call pears with no ears?
Deaf.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
It’s good to be a pair.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your pear?
Finding half a worm.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.

Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.

Child: Yea...

Dad: Then why is there only one?
Sign Up for a Free Daily Joke!