Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Let's pumpkin spice things up a bit
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
I have to spill my guts, I love Halloween!
You've really struck a gourd with me...
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
I squeezed the innards of a pumpkin into a glass, and the result was just beautiful
In fact, it was gourdjuice.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
Why did the pumpkin cross the road? It fell off the wagon!
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
Why did the pumpkin pie go to a dentist?
Because it needed a filling.
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
My dad said he wanted to steal a pumpkin
but all the stores were well-gourded.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
What did one Jack-o-lantern say to the other? Cut it out!
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
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