Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
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