Let's brew ourselves a cup of laughter with our coffee puns!

What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!