Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
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