Let's brew ourselves a cup of laughter with our coffee puns!

The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.