What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
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