What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
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