What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth?
De-calf-inated!
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
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