You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
How are guys just like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What did the caffeine addict name his cats? Cream and Sugar.
How did the coffee show its love? It said, "Words cannot espresso how much you bean to me."
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people? It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship. I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
What's a coffee's favorite karaoke song? Hit Me With your Best Shot.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
What happens when two coffee lovers disagree on their favorite roast? It turns into a heated debate.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common? They’re only good if they’re rich!
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
What’s the opposite of coffee? Sneezy.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.
What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion? I asked for coffee.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What's a barista's favorite exercise at the gym? The French press.
How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.
The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup? He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
And what's its favorite Bob Marley song? Don't Worry, Be Frappé.
How does the serial killer like his coffee? How he likes his women—all ground up.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
How is coffee better than a woman? It goes down way easier.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor? I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
How is divorce like espresso? It's bitter and expensive.
Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it was mugged.
What do you call a cow who’s just given birth? De-calf-inated!
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee? Java the Hut!
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What did the coffee lover name his son? Joe, obviously.
How do you make Pig Jerky? Give them some coffee.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore? Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!