What do you say if you meet a toad?
Wart's new?
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
What's a frog's favorite candy?
Lollihops.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
What animal jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?
A kangaroo.
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
When one of them have a birthday, turtles call for a shell-ebration.
What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fillet.
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
What’s the great white shark’s favorite candy?
Jaw-Breakers.
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
If you have a parrot, it says a lot about you!
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Did you hear about the mother goat telling jokes?
She’s a real kidder.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
TIL that, on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
How did the gorilla know she was poorly? She had a belly ape.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
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